Sidetracks and Back-burners

I know it's been a while since I've posted, I wish it was due to something hugely and spectacularly exciting like a tropical holiday, but it's not. However, what I have been up to is still exciting to me, though I feel slightly overwhelmed by it all.
I have set my Childbirth Education requirements/planning on the back-burner for the time being and taken sidetrack that is on the same theme. As I mentioned in the last post, I have been in training to become a client advocate at our local crisis pregnancy center.  My work as a volunteer there will be hugely rewarding as I will be able to work one on one with Mama's who have chosen life for their babies and want to learn how to have a safe and healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, and then how to be a healthy parent. This position will allow me to not only be a part of a FANTASTIC ministry, but also to use my knowledge and experience in helping even more women experience the joys of pregnancy, childbirth and beyond.
I should be finishing up my "shadowing" of other advocates in the next few weeks - a month, and then I will be shadowed for one appointment and then I will be off and running on my own with the clients the Lord will send into my life. I am excited, scared and feeling completely inadequate in this, but I know the Lord has placed me here for a reason.
I am really looking forward to moving on with my Childbirth Ed as soon as I find my feet at Foothill Pregnancy Center!

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."
Proverbs 19:20-21 ESV

On the Flipside

Today has proven to be a rather difficult day for me. For the last two weeks I have been attending my training at our local pregnancy help center to learn how to best help and encourage the women in this community. We have covered many topics, all of which I have found fascinating, and very helpful. Today was no exception, though on the very opposite end of the spectrum from where I typically "reside." 

It can't be any surprise to you that I LOVE babies! Love, love, love them. Love the miracle that each one is, love the mama's and how they were built to bring forth life. It is my passion and part of how I was created. 

Knowing this, it also can't be any surprise to you that I am pro-life. I have always believed that abortion is, in it's essence, destroying a life.  Life begins at conception. Every piece of what makes us unique is present at the moment that the two cells meet. EVERY PIECE! 

Today we covered abortion, and it was covered from a strictly medical position and very informative. 

This post is not to start a debate, it is to share with you how my heart was broken today. Abortion has always been a known "thing" to me, something that I knew of in a cerebral context, but watching how one is performed (through computer graphics) the steps involved and the huge risks involved for the mama utterly broke me. When I asked The Lord to break my heart for what breaks His, this was not what I expected. 

 I am not sitting here in judgment, nor in condemnation. It is a woman's choice, but I'm sad that the choice is typically given without any actual facts or details to the procedure, the risks or the lasting effects on the mama...physically and emotionally. And for me, I'm sad for those lives that could've been. 

"Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity"

-Hosanna by Hillsong United

http://youtu.be/NoM0AT8fBvs

A Baby Is On It's Way!

I just recently realized that I haven't posted in far too long! Since mid-August life has just sort of swept me away, and now I feel like I'm getting a foothold. 

The weekend of August 16&17th we headed to Windsor, California and had a great weekend while I completed my Childbirth Educator workshop through ICEA. It was an incredible time of learning and fellowship with some wonderful women. I am grateful to have had the experience. It was a TON of info, but I've been able to process through most of it! 

My next step in this whole process is to put together my curriculum for a 6 week course and TEACH it! This will be a free course for those who attend, as I am being evaluated on it for my certification...but how cool will it be to know they are my first EVER class? :) 

I'm fairly certain it'll be well worth the price. (Wink, wink.) 

And so, I can make this announcement: My Baby Is On It's Way!! 

This is my class baby, placenta and pelvis included...though I tend to see her/him as "a face only a mother could love." I'm sure it'll grow on me. Ha ha! 

In all seriousness though, this journey is well on it's way and I can't wait! 

Feeling Blessed

I am so excited and a lot humbled! I was awarded the scholarship given by the Tuolumne County Women's Network and funded through the Sonora Area Foundation for the cost of the 16 hour workshop that I am required to take for my certification. This cost was the most substantial sum of the process and I am beyond grateful to have been chosen. God continues to blow me away with His grace and provision. Every single step of this journey has been paved by Him, orchestrated by Him and blessed by Him. How can I not be thankful and totally in awe of ALL He had done?!? 

So tomorrow I start my workshop, one more thing checked off my list of requirements, and push onward toward my goal. I cannot fail, I will not fail...because I have the Creator of the Universe holding me fast and urging me on. 

Let me introduce you to the language of my people....

See this?!? 

And this?!?

This is what greeted me when I got home from work today! It also happens to be the language of my people... Yes, it includes ALOT of medical terminology, interesting graphics (to say the least) and so much information it feels like my head will explode, but it's mine and with it I can  fulfill my dreams and accomplish the next step in ministry that God has ordained for me. 

 Needless to say, I AM EXCITED!!!!!!!!

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. 

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."

-  Proverbs 19:20-21

Check, Check and Check!

The last few days have been pretty exciting for me and this journey that I have embarked on. I feel like for this last month or more I have been put into a holding pattern and my patience has been waning. Now I know that there is a lesson in there somewhere, but it was getting discouraging nonetheless.
There are a number of items on my "checklist" that I need to either do, read, order or accomplish and since Wednesday evening I have checked off three pretty good ones!

Check #1: To observe no fewer than two labors and/or deliveries
                       - One down!

Wednesday evening I got the call that my friend, who so graciously invited me to be a part of her labor support team, was in active labor. I cannot tell you how excited I was! I have been blessed to be  present for the births of many of my friends and relatives babies, but this was a first for me in that this would count toward my certification and that it was the first experience at a home birth.
My ROCKSTAR friend Lisa labored through that afternoon, evening and the following morning. Unfortunately I wasn't able to stay long enough to see her deliver, as I did need to work the following day, and she safely delivered an hour later. Though I missed the delivery, the labor process at her home was an amazing one. I was able to watch the midwife and the doula do their "thing" and it was nothing short of incredible. I cannot tell you enough how peaceful and calm the environment was, and to watch a mama labor is truly a beautiful thing. And here is the precious little girl whose mama worked so hard for:

Welcome to the world, Miss Cadence!

With her proud big brother, Lucas. :)

Check #2: Order Required Reading Bundle

This morning I was finally able to order my required reading, and though it is A LOT of info I am so ready to start!!

Check #3:  Register for a Professional Childbirth Educators Workshop

And, PRAISE THE LORD I get to register today too!!!!! 

  

Needless to say, it's been a very good day!!

This. Is. Happening.

This little package came in the mail today. It's not very big, not very thick and aesthetically speaking, not very exciting. However, this benign little package holds my divinely appointed path and the beginning of my new journey... My passion, my dreams and the fruition of my prayers. Thank you, LORD!! 

Now, just give me the courage, strength and perseverance. :) 

Here I Go!!!

As I sat down at my desk and opened my computer this morning every doubt and fear came racing into my mind. "I can't do this." "I won't follow through." "I will fail." And on and on... I hesitated more times than I'd like to admit, and I almost gave in. Then the thought occurred to me that if this wasn't what I was supposed to do, The Lord wouldn't have made it so abundantly clear to me, and given me such a peace, such overwhelming clarity so many weeks ago.

I bowed my head, took a deep breath and hit "submit" on the order screen. 

It only just hit me, "submit" is exactly what I did. Thank you, Lord, for loving me and going before me in all that I do! 

From "Jesus Calling" 

 May 18

Come to Me with your plans held in abeyance. Worship Me in spirit and in truth, allowing My Glory to permeate your entire being. Trust Me enough to let Me guide you through this day, accomplishing My purposes in My timing. Subordinate your myriad plans to My Master Plan. I am sovereign over every aspect of your life!

The challenge continually before you is to trust Me and search for My way through each day. Do not blindly follow your habitual route, or you will miss what I have prepared for you. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.”
—John 4:24

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
—Isaiah 55:8–9 nkjv

While I'm Waiting

If I'm to be honest here, I need to share that I'm feeling a bit discouraged. I am still waiting for the time that I can invest in my endeavor to become the world's greatest Childbirth Educator. OK, maybe not the greatest, but a darn good one! I know that life gets in the way, and circumstances are what they are…and I can't change that, but it is rather frustrating. I have a fear that this waiting will result in my all-to-normal tendency to just let it go and not proceed. However, I know that thought comes from the pit of hell and the enemy trying to derail my plans. I know that he doesn't want me to move forward, to share my faith and love on those in Christ's name as I encourage and support and teach those that God places in my care.
So I am leaning into Him, giving this to Him and trusting that this waiting is for my good and His glory.  I do ask for this favor though, send up a prayer for me and this discouragement, send out an encouraging thought or a supportive word, because I think I need it.



 http://youtu.be/Bb7TSGptd3Y

Smiles and Blessing

I am not what one would call an overly patient person, and I have been made to practice this virtue in the last weeks. I want to forge ahead, knowing my direction. I want to jump in right away and get it done! However, my bank account, and The Lord and Giver of All, says "wait."  

As I "wait" patiently, for the most part, I find myself even more excited and filled with peace and joy at this path I've chosen. I trust in the process, smile at His blessing and listen a little more carefully to this incredible world around me. 

"As you walk along your life-path holding My hand, you are already in touch with the essence of heaven: nearness to Me. You can also find many hints of heaven along your pathway, because the earth is radiantly alive with My Presence. Shimmering sunshine awakens your heart, gently reminding you of My brilliant Light. Birds and flowers, trees and skies evoke praises to My holy Name. Keep your eyes and ears fully open as you journey with Me."

- Jesus Calling by Sarah Young 

        For April 14th

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain."

—Hebrews 6:19

Stepping Stones

Now that I know the steps I need to take, I'm excited to take them. Albeit a little out of order. Ha ha! 

I am anxious to get started, and I'm taking the steps that I can now, knowing that The Lord will direct them. I am praying for discernment for the timing of each of the financial aspects of this process and I ask you to join me in that. Though the total investment isn't astronomical, almost all of the "big ticket" items happen at the beginning. 

Good things come to those who wait! 

Beginnings

I suppose I would have to say that this adventure has always been waiting "in the wings" since this is my Divinely appointed path. But even before I consciously knew the steps, I knew in my heart where my passion was...it just hadn't told my brain. 

I kept asking myself how I couldn't have seen, or recognized, my passion? Why did I doubt it, or was blind to it? Maybe it was all low self-esteem and feeling inferior to others because my goals weren't "high" enough or they were seemingly less "important" in my view of the world. I have some theories, but those are for another time. 

About 6-8 months ago I clearly got a "push" or prompting, if you will, to create a blog entitled "This Little Life of Mine." So I did. Then I didn't know what to do with it, and there it sat, waiting. When all of this came together for me last week, it was made clear as day that this is what the blog was for. My passion, my journey and my light that I would shine into this world. To be a part of the very miracle of life is just astounding to me! 

If I look back, I can see very clearly that I have always loved babies, pregnant mamas and the labor process. I'm about to admit something that I haven't even thought about in thirty years, and I hope my cohort in crime, ie my cousin, won't be mortified by(though I strongly doubt she'd do anything but laugh at the memory). I can remember the two of us taking turns pretending to be in labor and delivering our Cabbage Patch dolls, and guess who's idea it was... Mine! 

I remember being drawn to pregnant women, especially those who I was related to, and wanting to know all about it. I wanted desperately to feel their babies move, though I was too shy to even contemplate asking. Doing so felt like an invasion of privacy or interrupting of something so intimate. I wanted to ask questions and simply bask in the miracle  that was happening inside. Oh the wonder of it all! In all honesty, I still feel the same way...minus the timidity. 

So here I am, moving forward to embrace my passion and start my journey. 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." 

Psalm 139:13-16

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Proverbs 16:9 

The Push That Made It Happen

For years I have wondered what my "passion" is. I have watched as others have embraced their passion, their calling, and have always been a bit envious. I have prayed and asked The Lord to reveal to me MY passion, MY calling. As He has been slowly working on my heart and lining things up, I am getting a very clear picture of the passion HE has instilled in me. I have stood on the sidelines of my life, letting fear of failure and self doubt stand in my way...the enemy's lies no doubt. I'm rejecting those lies and I'm stepping out in faith, knowing that God would not have pressed this on my heart for so long if it wasn't His plan. 

I had thought I would pursue becoming a doula, but He has opened up an opportunity that makes complete sense to me. 

I am enrolling in an accreditation/certification course to become a licensed Child Birth Educator. If I can stay on track I should have this finished by the years end, and if all works out I hope to come on board with the new birth center opening up here in my little piece of heaven. 

There are so many things swirling in my head right now, but this is certain: 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9 ESV)

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

(Philippians 4:13 ESV)